Mostly Good Days

I add a mini-update every few days to the landing page to access health-adventures on my website. Every few weeks, I gather the recent updates and turn them into an archive post. If you are a subscriber to my website, you will receive an email each time I post one of these summaries and each time I post other stories or information from along this journey.

Each “cycle” of Chemotherapy consists of: Week 1-Infusion of Med#1, Week 2-Infusions of Med#1 & Med#2, Week 3-rest with NO chemo. We are beginning to see a pattern to how my body responds to the infusions of poison. I’m exhausted when I get home on Tuesdays. There tends to be a bad crash later that night. Wednesdays and Thursdays are down days—emotionally and physically. By the weekend, I’m slowly feeling better and better. And Mondays are mostly good days! And then… it’s Tuesday again and time for more “torture.” (It sure was good news that this chemotherapy regimen is slowing down cancer growth. As we continue on this path, we hope for actual shrinkage of the tumors.)

Here is a month’s worth of mini-updates. And looking back, they were mostly good days, or at least take a nap days. And many were get-outside for at least a few moments days!

Tuesday, May 18, 2021 — Yes, today is Chemo Day again — just Med #1. But instead of a first thing in the morning schedule, we leave at lunch time for labs, doctor appt, and finally the chemo infusion late afternoon. I have always prided myself in having fun learning new things and trying new experiences… but in the midst of life feeling out of my control with this cancer recurrence, I have currently lost my equanimity in the face of unexpected and different. I LOVE the idea of no more repeated needle sticks/digs until they finally find a vein each time I go in. And I am confident that i will love how much easier all this is with a port… but I’ve been a basket-case yesterday and today, teary and anxious because I don’t know how things work and what to expect with this port. Sheesh! I’m looking forward to this afternoon being over so it will be another new thing mastered!

Wednesday, May 19, 2021 — As I’ve said before, I’m usually Susie Sunshine, looking for and celebrating the positive things. But, I’m struggling this morning. I was exhausted when we got home last night and fell asleep mid-conversation, I think! But this morning **shhhh, whisper this… I feel fine, I feel human, I feel good*** But here is the silly picture I have in my head—a huge Mack truck slinking around corners, trying to keep me from seeing him, waiting for the perfect moment to surprise me, and run me over… SPLAT! I will let you know what really happens! (this day at least remained a mostly good day…)

Monday pm, May 24, 2019 — Super quick summary here then I will make a longer stream-of-consciousness post on the blog itself. I would apologize for not sticking to plan A… or plan Z… or even plot-twist plan S. But I’m very slowly learning to stop trying to make schedules and plans and to-do-lists. When in the middle of chemo, those things are helpful as guides, but I absolutely cannot control how my body reacts to this poison and thus cannot actually commit to fulfilling plans. I will apologize to anyone who is worried that not hearing from me means bad news. In this particular week, it simply means I’ve been napping, sleeping, dozing, dreaming, snoozing, resting, relaxing, pausing, nodding off, taking a siesta, and more… often in the middle of a word or sentence while talking or texting!

Tomorrow morning bright and early I go back for the double med, doozy of an infusion day. It might completely knock me out… or I may be pumped up with energy from the steroid I take to counteract chemo effects. I’ll let you know (sometime– A, B, Z, or S!!) how I’m doing.

Thursday, May 27, 2021 — Happy Birthday to me! And happy birthday to James, our son who graduated to heaven in 2008! 

As I’ve said before, it’s hard to make plans with no clue of how I’ll be feeling. I had the double meds infusion on Tuesday so if like last cycle Thursday and Friday will be crash days… so we tentatively plan to do a bit of bday sometime this weekend… I did feel well enough to go get some Indian food at a local restaurant.

SASSEM helps celebrate the combined birthdays for me and son James. He was born in my 30th birthday but died when he was 15. So each year I celebrate being 45 in James years!

I’ve still got some steroid jiggly energy but can feel fatigue lurking. (I take steroids for 3 days around the 2nd med infusion to help counteract worst of fatigue and other side effects—but then I have to be careful not to overdraw my limited true physical energy by buzzing around on false meds energy…)

Saturday pm, June 5, 2021 — I am very happy to let you know that today was a mostly good day. I had some energy and no fatigue. I did a few bites of “chores” spread throughout the day (some dishes, wiping a counter, 1 small laundry load). And before you get all preachy and remind me that my family can do b those things and I should sit back down and rest… these were token tasks, reminding me that being a family means helping as we can… and today these were things I COULD do!

Hubby and I took a drive in the country. We wandered through a quirky antiques shop spread through 2 outbuildings and a barn. (And I’ve got some ideas for Christmas gifties. Yep, I’m one of “those people” with Christmas in my mind all the time!) They didn’t have the furniture we still want… which means future wandering. Yay!

 When we got home, I did plenty of resting—my body reminded me I haven’t walked this much in weeks. But I was physically tired, not exhausted. Win!

Hopefully, tomorrow is another mostly good day as well!

Monday pm, June 7, 2021 — Two decent days (Thurs & Fri) and three good days (Sat -Mon). One more reason I’m praying that when we find out results of scans tomorrow afternoon that we will hear this current chemo mix is effectively killing cancer cells and I can stay on this plan through the summer. It would be so encouraging to look forward to 5+ good days in a row out of every 3-week cycle!

 Today I swept the kitchen floor, finished an Art Journal page about the challenges of “Toddler Tumors,” I cooked supper for us, and hubby and I took a walk around the barns. That might not sound like much but it’s far more activity than I’ve managed for weeks!

Tuesday late afternoon, June 8, 2021 — Good news! CT scans show very limited tumors growth and some shrinkage over the past 6 weeks (2 cycles of treatments). So I’m currently in the infusion center, receiving Cycle 3, Week 1 infusion. If things are like the first two cycles, I will crash when we get home tonight, be pretty fatigued for a few days, but not achy because we finally have a good pain control plan. I might get more posted in the next few days, otherwise I will reappear this weekend. 

Thursday, June 10, 2021 — yesterday was generally more positive than expected for the day after an infusion. (And after a bad reaction middle of the night with high fever, disorientation and vomiting.) By daytime, I still had a strong appetite. I had enough energy to do a few “chores” including one load of laundry. (It’s amazing how this work becomes a privilege to get excited about when I haven’t been able to do it for months!)

I woke up a number of times during the night but went right back to sleep. I notice less energy this morning, less appetite, and a few aches and pains similar to previous cycles. My bed is humming lullabies so I suspect naps will be part of my day!

And On & On It Goes – hopefully with many more mostly good days to balance out the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad days! Bright and early tomorrow morning (Tuesday) we will be at the cancer center again for my weekly appointment, week 2 so infusions of both meds.

Since I am an active cancer patient yet again, I decided to add a “health adventures” tab to my website. You can follow my current cancer journey in a couple of ways:

• click HERE to see frequent mini updates plus links to the pages below.
• click HERE to see a compilation of all the mini updates archived in one place: and
• click HERE to see photos and read blog stories about the ups and downs of this stressful journey plus posts from past health challenges.
• Feel free to poke around the site and check out other Big Epic Adventures I have documented in the past—backpacking and other outdoor fun, becoming a certified Nature and Forest Guide, trip reports, and other daily activities.

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If you hate to miss the latest reports from my Cancer Journey, you can bookmark this intro page to read frequent mini-updates OR you can scroll to the bottom of any page and sign up to receive an email notification whenever I make a new full-length blog post (not just an update to the intro page) which will include stories, photos, explanations, and a weekly summary of mini updates.

(THANK YOU for following with me on this cancer journey! I appreciate every comment, encouragement, prayer, good wishes, little gifties and other types of support. I can’t imagine doing this alone…)

First Day of Cancer School

Tuesday, March 9, 2021 was my first day of Cancer School. Yes, I’ve had surgery to remove tumors twice in the past 2+ years. But this was different. Somehow, spending a day in the treatment center to take my first medication through a clinical trial, followed by labs every few hours, was hard to bear emotionally and mentally. I really AM a cancer patient. This really IS serious.

First things first—I am NOT doing chemo at this point. I was accepted into a Phase 1 Trial for a very tightly targeted medication. I will take pills twice a day at home, with weekly visits to have lab work done. Unlike chemo, there have been very few side effects noted so far with those already in the study. Here’s my “handbook” for Cancer School with everything I need to know about being in a clinical trial for treatment.

Here are my notes from my first day of Cancer School. I include schedule, activities, thoughts, and various ponderings from throughout the day. Randy drove me to the hospital and stayed with me for the exceedingly long day.

We leave home at 6:15am. I have to be fasting—no food and, worse yet, NO COFFEE. (Why yes, I was indeed grumpy. Why do you ask?!)

On the hour drive to the big city, we talk about some of the realities of what we are facing—possible worst case, better case, and hoped-for best-case outcomes. It is kinda scary that within the next few weeks we will more clearly know which is likely to be true for me. We REALLY need this med to be effective!

Here is the traditional photo of the student on the first day at a new school. With my cuddly companion, Sassem the Sloth, of course.

7:30am: all signed in, heading upstairs to the Clinical Treatment Unit. Yikes! This is real.

Paperwork, more paperwork, forms, questions, more forms, informational handouts, more questions… sigh… I think a forest was killed for all the paper used today.

The nurse gets a vein on the first try (yay!) and inserts a line to hopefully be used throughout the day to draw blood for required labs. Once the first labs come back within normal ranges, my doc comes in to talk with us. He checks on how I’m doing, answers questions we have, laughs at my Art Journal pages about his words from an earlier visit. As always, he gives us the feeling that he has all the time in the world to spend with us—even though he is a busy specialist. He signs off—treatment is a go! Meds are ordered from the pharmacy, more fasting bloodwork is taken for the study, and I finally get breakfast and coffee. Ahhhhh….

I’m here for the rest of the day, with more blood draws at various intervals for study purposes. Over the 10 hours we are here, they will collect 18 vials of blood. At least I requested a bed to lounge in rather than a chair. And I’ve got the bonus of windows with a view. (Please don’t remind me that it is a beautiful, warm sunny day outside while I’m cooped up in here…)

10:00am: I take the first 4 pills of what will hopefully allow me to coexist with this cancer for the very long term…

The chaplain comes in to introduce himself. He asks how we are doing. I respond with a laugh, “Considering what we are facing, we are doing Fahbulous! We only cry every few minutes.” We end up talking together for quite a long time. He asks such good questions and opens doors to help us as we continue to process what this cancer recurrence means—individually, as a couple, as a family.

12:00pm: blood draw #4 for the study. Randy gets himself a lovely, healthy salad from the bistro downstairs. He offers to buy me the same, but I just want “comfort food.” Chips and a chicken salad sandwich with my usual half sweet iced tea taste delicious.

After lunch, I put the head of my bed down and doze for awhile. Early mornings, emotional stress, and boredom have caught up with me.

Another blood draw at 2:00pm. It’s a challenge for the nurse to get blood out of the pic line…but it’s still holding so far. One more draw in another four hours. Sure hope the line is still usable then. I HATE repeated sticks when they struggle to get a good vein.

Time for some art journaling, snacks, texts and planning what additional pages I want to add to this website/Heath Adventures. By now, both of us are weary—not just physically tired, but deeply drained after an emotionally difficult day. I didn’t expect the first day of Cancer School to be so hard! This is not something I ever wanted to go through…

The final blood draw close to 6:00pm was a challenge. The line didn’t want to give those last few vials of blood, but the nurse was persistent. Whew! Done for the day!

We pack up our belongings, and head home. I have all the meds needed for the next four weeks. After two hectic days at the hospital, I think I will just lay around for the next few days. I need the rest.

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(THANK YOU for following with me on this cancer journey! I appreciate every comment, encouragement, prayer, good wishes, and other types of support. I can’t imagine doing this alone…)

Sunrise-Sunset (Part 1) — Seasons Change

Sometimes (many times?) nature beings are smarter than humans. Seasons change but the natural world just flows along with the changes. Trees don’t look back and wish they still had their bright colored fall leaves. Porcupines don’t look forward and wish it were already warm summer. Squirrels don’t look around and worry if they do or don’t have enough nuts stashed in their surroundings to get them through the winter. Too often, we humans find ourselves stuck, wishing for something that isn’t current reality. I know I struggle with this…what about you?

A year ago, I was finishing my training and practicum to become a certified forest therapy guide. I spent an entire day on the land, from Sunrise to Sunset, noticing what was happening in my surroundings, looking back at how I had reached that point, pondering what the future might look like as I worked to more deeply connect humans with the healing benefits of nature. (In the next few weeks, I will share some of the photos and lessons I found on that beautiful day.)

All of that pondering and visioning did not prepare me for where I now find myself: in a difficult, winter season of dealing with a diagnosis of chronic cancer. I’m resting, grieving, and trying to accept this new reality. I find myself looking back, wishing forward, worrying about today, none of which is particularly helpful. I am aware that I need to find a larger framework in which to place this current difficult time. Changing seasons and swiftly flowing years tell me again and again to relax into the now, remembering that none of these challenges are forever…

My training as a forest therapy guide is personally beneficial. It reminds me to take time to sit with the land, to consider the lessons I can learn from nature beings. (For myself personally, I am grateful for a loving Creator who speaks to me through the nature I love!) As I look around me in one of my favorite places, I am encouraged to remember that seasons change. Unlike the lush green landscape of last summer, I now see dead grasses and thorny underbrush. I notice a few brown leaves still attached to branches and dancing in the wind. I sit beside the stream and listen to the flowing water. I see where banks have been more deeply carved by floodwaters. I notice water flowing through new paths in the jumbled rocks. These changes aren’t good, they aren’t bad. They just ARE. I realize I can choose to follow the natural world and flow along with the changes in my own life. I can look for the lessons and support for THIS day, in the middle of THIS season.

For the past few days, I have been singing the chorus to “Sunrise, Sunset” from a favorite musical, Fiddler on the Roof.

“Sunrise, sunset, Sunrise, sunset, Swiftly flow the years. One season following another, laden with happiness and tears.”

from “Fiddler on the Roof”

Sometimes it is helpful to look back toward “sunrise” – not wishing I were back in those days, but simply noting how swiftly the years have flown by. (My oh my we were babies when this song was sung at our wedding 38 years ago!) I think back on different seasons of life—preparing for a different career overseas; staying here in the same-old, same-old instead; homeschooling a large chaotic family; living on a tiny farm; travel and adventure on my own and with family; mentoring and encouraging folks on the margins; a son’s death and other children happily married. Heartbreak and celebration. Happiness and tears.

Just like the experience of nature beings, my life moves forward, day after day, year after year. Seasons change, bringing new challenges, new surprises, and new beauty. And I realize: I’m going to be okay. Sunset is coming…but not yet.

(Read other posts about TIME and CHANGING SEASONS)

Finding the Bright Sunshine of Summer

We all love the excitement of mountaintop experiences, don’t we?! We shout to the world about the beautiful views and bask in the bright sunshine of praise and congratulations given for our accomplishments. Far less often do we talk about endless winter, about getting stuck in swamps down in the valleys or about the hard slog of climbing those endless dark mountains. It has been a long, long winter for me, filled with struggles and challenges. I’ve been emotionally climbing up and down endless hills. But it feels like I’m finally emerging into summer. I’m so ready to celebrate the bright sunshine of SUMMER (both physically and emotionally)!

Looking back over the past six months, it has been a season of inward work. I’ve started many blog posts but got lost in the forest of words and never finished any of them. At some point (perhaps) I will go back and share more details but for now, here is a summary of my long, dark winter and times I found hints of sunshine along the way.

Finishing the second half of the mentored practicum to earn my certification as a Forest Therapy Guide offered many lessons—material to be learned, skills to be practiced, and experiences to be processed. All of this, of course, led to deeper personal growth. During regular sit-spot time (which you can read more about HERE), I mapped the interconnections of the creatures and plants around me. To show those relationships, I made a colorful clock. And I gathered photos and poetry into a little book.

I spent a long winter day at a nearby park on a “pilgrimage” from sunrise to sunset. It was a time to take my questions with me onto the land, asking God for a clear vision of my calling. Of course, the day I had scheduled for this ended up being one of the coldest days of the winter, with hard winds blowing and fresh snow falling. I alternated walking under the trees with wrapping up in a zero-degree sleeping bag to warm up. I found beauty in the frozen land and I soaked up moments of bright sunshine breaking through dark storm clouds.

During these months, I was swimming in a sea of grief, trying to keep from sinking under the waves. There was new grief at watching a beloved “son of my heart”/friend destroy himself with addiction. There were more waves of grief at missing our son who died 11 years ago. There was recognition of struggles and challenges some of my kids are walking through…and resulting grief that I can’t “fix” things for them and make it all better. (Where in the world is that magic wand when you need it?! I must have put it in a “safe place” which means it will never be found! HA!)

In the spring, I figured out a way to incorporate Forest Therapy into my Tree of Life experiences. And I completed the training to become a certified Forest Therapy Guide. YAY! That was a bright sunny moment! Now I am working to make some long-term connections for ongoing Forest Therapy walks. And I have guided my first few paid walks. (If you live in central Ohio, contact me for more information about how YOU can schedule a walk with me!)

This spring, I was sad to face realities after two surgeries last fall. (If you haven’t heard about my medical adventures, read about them HERE.) Daughter and I had hoped to make another trip to the Appalachian Trail this spring. We tried a few days of camping and day hiking in southern Ohio…and realized I’m not yet recovered enough for the rigors of a full backpacking adventure. Maybe in the fall… (At least we still had fun together in the woods and Daughter is still the “Mistress of the Flame!”)

As the season changed, the good moments started outweighing the heavy ones. I still wasn’t ready to write about life, but I found many more moments of bright sunshine to celebrate. Our oldest son is engaged. (Can’t wait to welcome his beautiful gal into our family next spring…) Our youngest daughter discovered a college that is a perfect fit for her interests and her challenges. She is also gaining life skills with a summer job at the library. We got to “babysit” our grand-dog and our grand-dragon. (Isn’t that a delightful word? Pablo is a bearded dragon-lizard.) And our newest grandbaby was born, giving me 5 days to visit and spoil his big sisters. Welcome to the world, little Wilder!

I’m finally back to spending more time outdoors again. I’m sleeping each night on my screened porch—waking up to bird song. For my birthday, I bought a sit-on-top kayak. I still enjoy wandering in the woods, but have discovered the joys of contemplative time, slowly paddling around a lake or down a river. And the wild colors of my kayak still make me smile every time I look at it!

After searching for over a year, we finally found the perfect-for-us piece of land to purchase. We plan to park our RV there and use it as a getaway. Soon we will own 33 acres of steep hills, ravines, and woods. It has a pond and a running stream. Hubby discovered it also has a slick clay mud-pit…but that’s a story for another day! HA!

I finally found the bright sunshine of summer (physically and emotionally) on a current trip to California. Soon I will write about the adventures of multi-day train travel across the USA. Our lego Tiny-Me figures have discovered new places to explore. I found more imaginary places that don’t really exist (a quest started with Daughter in NYC last summer). I have enjoyed spending time with oldest daughter and her husband. When my knees rebelled against the exertion, I thought I might be stuck forever atop the steep hills of San Francisco but I finally tottered my way back down to the ferry. And I am excited to be currently attending a professional conference about Forest Therapy. I’m even leading a workshop here tomorrow!

It’s been a long, cold winter. But I’m finally emerging into summer…and it sure feels good!

Can a Health Crisis Be an Adventure?

You aren’t imagining things. I indeed disappeared from the world for a month or so… I’ve had an unexpected health crisis and am slowly recovering. I’m finally clear minded and more even-keeled emotionally. So, while I spend much of each day physically recovering on the couch, I have plenty of time to ponder. Since I write about epic adventures, I’ve been wondering about the similarities and differences between a health crisis and an adventure…

Rather than leave you wondering, here are the basics before we move on to consider adventures. I had some slightly out-of-the-ordinary female symptoms for a number of months. My doc and I were quite comfortable just monitoring the situation with no action needed unless things changed. Then in early October, I started having a bit of spotting and aching. Things progressed rapidly—within just two weeks, I had 4 visits to the Hospital ER, multiple tests including a biopsy, was admitted to the hospital on day 13 and had emergency surgery on day 15. Whew! This health crisis wasn’t just a roller coaster…it felt more like a powerful, fast moving hurricane. (And I have the bruises to prove I was in a battle…HA!)

I wrote a blog post in March considering whether my daughter’s robotics team was an adventure. (You can read that discussion HERE.) When I look again at the criteria I laid out, I think this health crisis was close to being an (unwanted) adventure:

Personally Stretching and having an Uncertain Outcome: Definitely true! It’s fine when I CHOOSE to step outside my comfort zone. And I’m okay with trying something new even when it’s not clear how I will do. This time, however, I was given no choice. I dislike being sick and I hate feeling like life is out of my control. If I didn’t choose the risks, it doesn’t feel fair that I’m stuck in the situation. Maybe someday I will get better about accepting these unexpected challenges as part of life…

Requires Perseverance, Hard Work and Finding Appropriate Mentors/Information: In this case, I kept pushing hard to get medical providers to take the spiraling pain and increased bleeding seriously. I finally found a specialist who is amazing at listening, researching, and acting. Good thing I did—having a tumor turning gangrenous would have had a very bad outcome if treatment had been delayed! Even when I was curled up and crying with pain, I’ve learned to keep fighting. (Thanks, Appalachian Trail backpacking trips for helping me deeply internalize these lessons! Read a post about the challenges of a long-distance hiking trip HERE.)

Makes a Good Story Later: Oh, yeah. There’s an amazing surprise ending to this story! Even the doctor was surprised… (Scroll to bottom of this post for more details…) For now, I’ll just comment that even my daughter’s dog knew something was terribly wrong. For the past three weeks, she has been glued to me, cuddling beside or on top of me while I have spent most of my time on the couch. Now, however, I must be mostly cured—the dog is back to spending all of her time with daughter.

BUT…was it an Adventure? My criteria for something being an adventure also includes it being an “enjoyable activity.” Nope, nope, nope! Even with my comfy blanket dragged with me to every hospital visit, this health crisis was in no way “enjoyable.” Thus, I vote that although it had some things in common, this emergency was NOT an “ADVENTURE.”

However, when I take a further look at the introductory pages on my blog, I think this past month might well fit the definition of a “Big Epic” (which is a larger category than just adventures). This crisis was certainly a change from normal routines. And it was a life transition. (You can read more about these definitions  HERE.) I am learning (again) the significance of making time to rest. I am learning (again) to set aside my independence and allow others to help. And I am learning how much I LONG to get back outside and continue building my new practice as a Forest Therapy Guide.

I would love to hear about YOUR unexpected adventures and life transitions! Post a comment here on the blog or on my fb page…

(FURTHER DETAILS: (Saga started in early October) Pain was caused by a large tumor. Miracle 1—it was determined to be benign. Tumor became gangrenous so an emergency hysterectomy was scheduled (just two weeks after initial ER visit). Miracle 2—after I was in the OR, the surgeon discovered that my body had already “delivered” the tumor on its own so no surgery was needed after all. With a more accurate biopsy of the tumor, the surgeon referred me to an oncologist because a very few of the cells were determined to be abnormal. I argued against a hysterectomy (after all, a miracle made the previously scheduled surgery unnecessary), but the oncologist insisted we schedule the surgery after all. I had outpatient “robotic” surgery (in early December, just two months after all of this began). Miracle 3—during the surgery, a very small tumor was discovered, hidden in the far corner of the uterus. This was sent off for biopsy. When the results came back, it was a very rare, very aggressive form of cancer that is never found before it has spread throughout the abdomen and become a Stage 4 cancer. Miracle 4—the oncologist said this cancer was never found so early. She called it a stage 1 cancer, although there is nothing in the literature about early stages.Miracle 5—the treatment? A complete hysterectomy…which had already been completed! No further cancer treatments needed! (Monitoring for the next few years…) Neither surgeon can explain how this series of events happened. Both agree that I am more than lucky….and both are comfortable saying that my outcome is indeed miraculous!)

Meditation vs. Forest Therapy: What’s the Difference?

When I describe the practice of Forest Therapy, many folks assume it is merely doing meditation in an outdoors location. There are actually three different practices which look very similar to each other. Traditional Meditation, Forest Meditation, and Forest Therapy all have the goal of balancing life, resetting priorities, and bringing inner calm. However, the actual practices are different. Let me explain…

Meditation focuses the mind inwards; Forest Therapy focuses the senses outwards to Nature…

In Traditional Meditation, we are taught to withdraw our senses and focus inward. We work to find peace inside of self. As part of the process, we need to resist multiple thoughts, coming back over and over to an inward focus.

Forest Meditation is a blend of traditional meditation with the health benefits of being outdoors. In this practice, we are taught to open our senses to our surroundings as we observe the world around us. We connect with nature in order to make outside peace become part of our inner being. With this practice, we allow our thoughts to just “go with the flow.”

If meditation works well for you, that’s great! Personally, no matter how many times I have tried to meditate, I end up either agitated or bored. My mind usually jumps from thought to thought to thought. Plus, emotion plays a big role in how I perceive the world and interact with it. Doing meditation outside is a help, but it is still difficult for me to find calm when I’m focused on the hard work of clearing my mind.

Forest Therapy is a perfect fit for me! In this practice, our goal is to reawaken the senses as we immerse ourselves in the forest. Noticing what we are feeling in the outer world (physically) and inside ourselves (emotionally/spiritually) is a much more intuitive practice for me. Often with the help of a guide, we learn how to allow a focus on nature to clear the mind and lessen negative emotions. In addition to reducing stress and bringing peace, Forest Therapy is a gentle way to rejuvenate energy and add strength to inner healing.

I am excited to find a calming practice that fits well with my personality and passions. Traditional meditation feels like a difficult task to master. But Forest Therapy simply brings new dimensions to spending time in nature, an activity I always enjoy. I am intrigued to explore this practice in my personal life. And I’m excited to help others learn this method of connecting with nature. I have been accepted into the 6 month training program to become a certified Forest Therapy Guide. My cohort begins our mentoring program with a week-long intensive in September. (I describe the initial training HERE. I talk about establishing a sit spot HERE. )

I’m very much looking forward to bringing this practice to my local area once I finish my training. You can read more about what I’m doing and what I’m offering HERE.

One Gray Week–Two Stories (Part 1)

(Last week I had solo adventures in Nature. While wandering, I realized two different stories were playing out at the same time. Today I share the first part…)

Last Monday was a gray day; a dismal, dreary, drizzly day. It was a stay-on-the-couch-with-a-mug-of-coffee sort of day. I used to easily find color-filled activities to turn days like this one upside-down. But after the death of a son ten years ago, I just wanna crawl in a hole on gloomy days.

So I burrowed under the blankets on the couch, feeling sorry for myself. As I mindlessly scrolled through Facebook, I glanced at a friend’s post. Mariah described a very difficult day including a trip to the ER. Then she said “One plus, it’s raining! I love rain!!! It’s calming, slows the world down a bit, and gives you an excuse to stop and enjoy life.” That stopped me in my tracks.

I was alone in the house for 24 hours. That should have been an opportunity for doing things just for me—whether writing, making art, or pampering myself. But instead I was having a pity party. My friend’s words woke me up. I forced myself off the couch and out the door into the rain.

By the time I got to the local park, the rain had turned to mist. I started down the leaf-covered, mud-smeared trail. I noticed this jumble of dead branches. I took a photo since it was a good illustration of my day.

But then, Nature started its healing therapy. When I looked beyond the mess, I noticed a beautiful tree with golden leaves dancing in the breeze. And when I looked more closely into the pile, I discovered the quiet colors of lichens on the bark.

I kept walking, following the sounds of a rushing stream at the bottom of the hilly path. It was invigorating to find that the heavy rain had turned the trail into its own unexpected waterfall.

You can, of course, guess what happened next…mud, slick leaves, flowing water, hillside path… Yep, I slipped and ended up covered with mud! Now, you might guess that would have made my day worse, right? But somehow, I started laughing. That muddy fall turned my day around! I felt alive again, back to my usual “Susie-Sunshine” self.

Later in the week, I had a last-minute opportunity to travel with my middle daughter for a few days in Virginia. While she went to interviews, I was free to explore the area. The dismal, gray weather continued, but I had learned a lesson. Instead of hanging out at a coffee shop, working on writing projects (or feeling sorry for myself), I decided to get outside. I didn’t have energy for a full hike, but found a nearby cave tour. Ahhh… Since I was a little girl, I have always loved being in a cave. Beauty, peaceful quiet, a sense of timelessness… somehow, I fully relax in a cave.

I finished that day by sitting beside a quiet river. This dreary week held an important reminder. Nature brings peace and contentment when I make the effort to get outside!

(You can read the second story HERE…)

“Lovey-Dovey Day” — a Different Way

It’s “Lovey-Dovey Day.” Hallmark wants you to believe that on this day everyone has a soul-mate, someone who deeply loves them, someone to lavish affection on with chocolates and expensive cards. But what about all the folks who feel like their lives are a frozen wasteland? The ones who feel lonely, left out, or left behind? Aren’t they worthy of love?

To write or not to write? I’ve pondered whether to post anything today. Seems like everyone out there in internet-land is spouting lovey-dovey platitudes. Blergh! That’s not reality for most of us!

Some (like me) have a solid marriage with kids and grandbabies we dearly love. But we don’t really see the point of obligatory only-on-this-one-day declarations of grand love accompanied by fancy dinner or a huge box of chocolates. (Well, I never say no to good chocolates…HA!) We are a “not-so-picture-perfect” family. Love for us is a quieter long-term commitment to each other. It is day-in day-out supporting each other, encouraging each other, getting irritated with each other, challenging each other. It is having fun together and fighting together, cooking together and crying together.

Some (like me) have a broken heart. This day feels like a mockery when someone we love has died or a relationship is over or we come from a hurtful, harmful family. We are often paralyzed on holidays with their images of picture-perfect couples and families. We stare inside at our dry, desert-like hearts that have been ripped apart while life seemingly goes on for people around us.

Let’s choose a different perspective! Let’s find “love” in new ways and places. First, take time to see and acknowledge how our current realities are different from the Hollywood/Hallmark versions of “lovey-dovey lives.” We need to grieve the losses we have experienced, including lost dreams. Then we are ready to look around us, searching for little bits of pleasure, hunting for hidden beauty. Try some “Nature Therapy” to reconnect with love. Enjoy being outdoors. Pick flowers, find treasures on the beach. Go fishing or hiking or simply sit and soak up some sun. These simple things are a way to love ourselves. And, once we are at peace, we will better love those around us.

Here’s a reminder: each one of us are on a Countdown to Eternity. While we are still living, we get to choose our attitudes and responses. We can focus on all of the pain and woundings we have experienced. Or we can remind ourselves that our time here on earth is short. We can pay attention to the special moments and make a collection of treasured memories.

Savoring special moments and treasured memories is how I choose to celebrate “Lovey-Dovey Day.” How about you?!

(PS—if you want to know more about these two paintings I made a few years ago, you can read HERE about the process of making them  and read about my excitement at helping to illustrate a book for a favorite inspirational author HERE)

The ABCs of Nature’s Healing

Have you noticed how you feel better in your daily life after spending time outdoors? As we immerse ourselves in the natural world, we become more whole physically, mentally, and emotionally. Plus, the better we know the world around us, the more we enjoy spending time outside. Continue reading to learn about the three different levels of connecting with Nature…

A – Have an ADVENTURE in Nature

“Nature” refers to the outdoors, the natural world, the places not made by humans. Everyone has an emotional response when they hear that word. For some of us, it is a place of comfort or adventure or pleasure. For others, it is a place that is dangerous or boring, a place to avoid. At this level, Nature is something separate from the adventurers, something to be explored or enjoyed in and of itself.

We enjoy extended backpacking trips on the Appalachian Trail

So exciting to see wild ponies up close and personal!

B—Use Nature as a BACKDROP for Therapy

There is growing interest in adding nature to traditional counseling or psychotherapy practices. In this case, the natural world is seen as a beneficial alternate setting for client/therapist interactions. There are variations in how this is applied, with names such as Ecopsychotherapy, Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare, and Nature Therapy. Although these activities are set outdoors, the focus is on the therapy itself as it is directed by the specialist. There is acknowledgement of the ways Nature lowers stress but this is merely seen as complementary to the traditional health practices. A few individuals participate in specialized programs that push them to their physical limits to more quickly and radically change their emotional and behavioral choices.

Daughter is proud of the survival skills she has learned–including building a fire

Being in the mountains is a good place to practice meditation and self-calming skills

C—Make a Deep CONNECTION with Nature

There is growing research focused on the therapeutic value of connecting directly with Nature, not merely pursuing beneficial activities in an outdoor setting. Scientists are learning that Nature itself can fill the role of “therapist.” Most of us aren’t comfortable interacting at this level on our own. We aren’t sure what to do or how to build these relationships with the natural world. It can be helpful to have a “Forest Therapy Guide” facilitate a personal connection to our environment by using all of our senses to immerse ourselves in Nature.

Close your eyes and focus on what you feel and hear and smell in the woods

Taste wild fruit; Feel the ferns when making and wearing a “crown”

What’s Next?

Stay tuned! I’ve been accepted into the Forest Therapy Guide training and certification program. In the coming weeks, I will share more about the specific health benefits of immersing oneself in Nature. I can’t wait to tell you more about why this is my “dream job” and how you can help me start this practice in my online and local communities!

(UPDATE: I completed the training intensive and mentored practicum in March 2019. I enjoy helping others Connect with Nature through guided wanders and online mentoring. I am currently going through the process to associate with the Global Institute of Forest Therapy for accountability, support, and continuing education. You can learn more about this international organization HERE.)

Child in the Woods

“God has given me this child…and she is in God’s hands!”

I have had many folks question how we could consider taking our young teen on a long distance, multi-week backpacking trip. Although I usually just smile and make some inane comment about how much she enjoyed the trip, my thoughts scream out “I had no other choice! This is exactly what she NEEDED!”

We have tended to be “outside-the-box” parents, homeschooling our kids, letting them explore interests, and helping them pursue passions. This one, our youngest, has extra challenges. She is very smart and learns some things quickly. At the same time, most “book-learning” takes extraordinary amounts of work. She craves social contact, but lacks many of the skills needed to be successful in building relationships with peers. She is often at the center of a hurricane of emotions, made more unbearable and unmanageable with extreme anxiety. Life sometimes feels like a never-ending series of appointments with therapists and doctors to find the help she needs to manage daily living. That’s no way to feel strong and successful in life…

Then we decided that she and I would spend a few months backpacking on the Appalachian Trail. As journaled here on this blog, I researched, planned, bought gear, and off we went. Along the way, we discovered that this is exactly what she needs! Being in nature brought anxiety and emotions to manageable levels. We could walk peacefully through most days. She enjoyed the social contacts along the way, with little of the stress that debilitates her in town.

Folks questioned how we could make her take this trip, focused on the physical dangers. We now realize that she and I will take many more adventures along the AT, focused on the personal healing that comes when this child is in the woods…

(Read another post about my Outdoor Girl HERE.)